


Toxic

by Sombre



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Soul Eater
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Hormones, Humor, M/M, One Shot, Romance, Slash, Soul Eater Evans is a sly bastard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-06-20
Packaged: 2017-12-15 14:53:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sombre/pseuds/Sombre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The cocky, wide-toothed grins, the innocent bumps and brushes… To Edward, these were as intoxicating as they were dangerous. And Soul, the -bastard-, knew it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toxic

When Maka first told him Soul could eat the souls of demons, Edward scoffed and promptly informed her that demons did not exist and souls weren’t part of any ecosystem. Then he and Al watched him do it, the white-haired teen drooling and licking his lips all the while, and neither of them could sleep comfortably knowing Soul was in the next room.

But that hadn’t been it.

Instead, it had happened more subtly, in the whispers of lust in his subconscious and in the grazes of accidental bumps and touches. Ed hadn’t noticed it at first, then didn’t want to notice it, even when, as the days dragged into weeks, his scowls lessened to pouts and he lamely excused his frequent blushing as mild sunburns. But one night, after a particularly vicious battle for the last leg of chicken, when Soul flashed Ed his usual wide-toothed grin in an expression of smug triumph, Edward decided. It wasn’t so much a revelation as it was a warning he couldn’t understand hadn’t been more obvious before.

Soul Eater Evans was fucking _dangerous_.

Toxic, in fact, and Ed wanted no part of it.

...Or so he told himself—an excuse which dissolved into nothing the second his mind started wandering. Just on the usual, casual things, like where Soul was, what he was doing, which half he would like to see naked first--

And that's when the pencil in his hand would snap and he would bury his face into his book and hope Al hadn’t noticed.

Things were progressing far too quickly for his liking.

And it was made all the better when, say, Soul stepped out of the shower with the towel wrapped around his waist. Just when Ed would walk by. Every. single. day.

Or when, in their many arguments, Soul took the liberty of getting right into Ed's face. And Ed would forget the retort on his lips, blinking and blushing like an idiot.

And most definitely when Soul asked to see his automail leg one day and, in his “innocent” inspection, through impressed exclamations and difficult questions Ed could barely answer, his hands traveled higher up his thigh to what remained of his actual leg and then slightly higher still.

He was just paranoid, Ed told himself. That, and his stupid hormones decided they were going to have a field day, what with no-more-military and no-more-homunculi to take up the space in his brain. But unfortunately, it wouldn't have been the first time, either, bastard Colonel and his goddamn looks. Ed had made a point of ticking off Roy I-could-wrap-my arms-around-any-woman-in-Central-but-I’m-dumping-my-pheromones-on-you Mustang, just to remind himself how much he truly hated the guy. Never before had he been more thankful for an age gap in his life.

But they were just hormones, right? Just chemicals and reactions, suppressible with enough willpower. And luckily for him, after sending an energy-starved demi-god back to its home by literally punching it out of his own, he’d pretty much proved willpower wasn’t something he was lacking.

The thing was, his willpower was _supposed_ to be helping him figure out how to get back to Amestris, not deflecting raging sexual urges. When he and Al spent every evening in Shibusen’s massive library researching things like transportation magic and cross-dimensional portals and trying to rationalize how they had managed to be transported to Death City in the first place, there really shouldn’t have been a place in his mind for anything else _._

Except that even his willpower was failing him, and Ed couldn’t help but wonder where he had gone wrong.

It didn’t help that he had to live with Maka and Soul because that talking skeleton (the existence of which he still hadn’t been able to rationalize, but _nothing_ made sense in this place) thought it best. He and Al should get better accustomed to using all the new technology they had never seen before, the skeleton had said, and at least have a new home (no matter however temporary they wanted it to be) and be able to not accidently blow something up. Attending Shibusen had been thrown in for similar reasons, and Ed and Al had agreed because their first and only encounter with a demon had left them almost dead, and it was probably better to understand how the monsters of some strange world functioned _before_ you tried to fight them.

But at this point, that rationality meant noodles to him.

More than three weeks had passed like this and Ed just wanted Soul _awayawayaway_ so he could think because lust wasn’t going to help him out in the slightest though even he had to admit it proved to be great stress relief to imagine what it would feel like for Soul to nibble at his ear the way he was on his pencil right now and _god fucking dammit he was doing it again_.

_Just ignore him. Ignore—_

“Oi, Elric.”

Fuck.

It was after class. Stein had forgone his usual style and given a lecture on zombie biology, which Ed had made more interesting by imagining a half-naked Soul and pair of handcuffs. When the bell rang and snapped him out it, Ed had made a frantic bee line for the exit and the bathroom, as disturbed as he was the first time the thought “What would it be like to fuck Roy Mustang?” crossed his mind. No. No, no, _no_.

In the bathroom, once he’d taken care of _that_ little problem, he washed his hands, splashed his face with cold water and sighed. Al was probably looking for him, but there was no way he would be able to think straight if he couldn't find something else to focus on.

Ed flexed his hands and stood up straighter in the mirror. What the hell was he running from, anyway? Did he really think he was going to lose all self-control and start straddling the guy if Soul looked him in the eye the right way and said two words?

…He really should not have had to hesitate to answer.

Ed growled to himself, mentally curb-stomped the desire in a desperate effort to rid himself of it, and strangled all its cousins.

And just when he was sure he had gathered himself enough at least to get through the rest of the school day, the restroom door squeaked open, Soul called out to him, and Ed felt his heart sink into his stomach.

‘Fuck’, indeed. In all senses of the word.

“Oi,” Soul called out again. Ed swallowed and met his look, humming in response. He barely trusted his mouth to function at this point.

“Your brother is out there looking for you.”

Soul hadn’t moved an inch since he’d stepped into the bathroom. His eyes were half-lidded, his hands stuffed into his pockets as usual, mouth fixed in an almost permanent scowl. Ed pulled his eyes away and grabbed for a paper towel to dry his face. With another noncommittal response, he moved for the door, and was just about to push it open when Soul grabbed his wrist.

“Wait.”

Ed flinched. “What? Didn’t you just say Al was looking for me? I can’t just leave him out—”

“Just—”

Soul squeezed Ed’s wrist briefly, then snatched his hand away, as if stung. When Ed turned around, Soul was scowling. “What the hell is your problem, anyway?”

Ed’s face contorted in confusion. “What?”

“Maka and I’ve done everything to help you and Al, and you can’t even _pretend_ like you don’t have a stick up your ass long enough to make any of our sacrifices feel appreciated.” His scowl deepened. “I wasn’t going to say anything to you, because I’m damn tired of dealing with your attitude, but,” he turned his head away, as if Ed wasn’t even important enough to look at anymore, “…you’re an asshole, and it’s completely uncool.” 

All the desire and panic and school girl anxiety dropped away in an instant.

“That’s what you really think, huh?” Ed couldn’t leave the irritated amusement out of his voice. Three weeks of head games, and now…Well perfect. Just the boost his stupid willpower needed. He really should have been thankful, but the anger bristled just beneath his skin, sloshed in with ripping disappointment.

“I wouldn’t have _said_ it if I didn’t, dumbass.”

Ed damn sure wished it didn’t hurt, because he realized that somewhere in the back of his mind, where his thoughts weren’t clouded with hormones and lust _,_ he’d already decided he was starting to really like Soul, after all.

But instead, Ed leaned in, insults ready to fire, fists tightened and thrust into his own pockets to stop himself from throwing a punch (because the guy was a damn _scythe_ and no way was he going to risk losing another limb). Soul Eater Evans was going to learn that _one does not simply yell at Edward Elric_ —

Soul was chuckling _._

It started out a small sound at first, almost like he’d something caught in his throat. But soon it wasn’t hard to miss Soul trying to stop himself from smiling, from glancing between Edward and the adjacent wall with increased speed. Edward arched an eyebrow and Soul was downright laughing, stooped over, holding himself, eyes shut and mouth wide. The tension evaporated and Ed just stood there, blinking and confused. Confused enough, in fact, to get all the way back to mildly irritated again.

“Soul,” he said hesitantly, as the white-haired boy recovered and wiped the tears from his eyes. “What—”

“Just kidding.”

Then a hand cupped the back of his head and lips pressed firmly against his but Ed was losing all sensation in his legs. He couldn’t think, couldn’t decide what he should do, and the next thing he knew Soul had pressed him up against the bathroom wall, his hand somehow already beneath Ed’s shirt, exploring and traveling downwards fast.

And everything was fast; Ed’s mind raced, his breath hitched, his toes curled and uncurled; Soul leaned in further still, so close Ed could feel warm breath against his neck. He pushed himself closer, clutching desperately at Soul’s shirt just as Soul kissed and sucked his neck, his chest... It was too much, too fast, and Ed pushed himself against Soul, biting his lip to repress the loud moan in his throat, Soul was just as hard as he was—

Right as the bathroom door swung open.

“Brother—”

Oh.

No _._

Edward immediately shoved Soul away, his face as scarlet as his jacket when he yelled, “ _What the hell do you think you're doing?!_ ”

Soul stared, bewildered, and confused that Ed looked and sounded far more fearful than angry…until he realized that Alphonse had walked into the bathroom and was giving both of them rather questionable looks.

“Uh-uhh,” went Soul, and he made a note to smack himself in the forehead later. _So_ completely _not. Cool._

“That was the, the uh, vampire fake out maneuver Professor Stein taught us in the class you missed the other day.” _Do not gulp, do_ not.

“Is that what that was.”

Edward was trying his best to look wary, but he was obviously and decidedly _not_ looking at his brother.

“Yeah.” Soul stood straighter and tried to appear as if he normally wore his shirt wrinkled at the ends and slightly unbuttoned. “See what I mean by unsettling? Anyway, Al is here, so I’m going to catch up to Maka before she tries to throw some books at me again. See ya!”

Soul was decidedly not looking at Alphonse, either, grateful he could escape and sorry he couldn’t drag Ed with him as he let the door swing shut behind him.

A full thirty seconds later and Ed was still blushing too much to warrant it safe to look in Alphonse’s direction, to which Al folded his arms across his chest with a bemused ‘Hmm.’

Ed slowly sunk to floor. Al gave a light hearted laugh.

“I’m not judging you, you know.”

“…Shut-up, Al.”

Another chuckle, and Al sauntered over to his brother’s side, and dammit it if anyone besides Al ever pointed out that Ed had held a blush for a full minute, and that pouting wasn’t helping anyone believe in ‘vampire fake out maneuvers.’

“Dammit, Al, if you had just—” He shut himself off when his brother cocked an eyebrow, and was that a knowing smirk on his face? “…Nevermind.”

“You get so embarrassed! You make this too easy!”

Edward did not understand what could be so amusing about catching your older brother dry humping another guy, but no way in hell was that a question he was going to ask. He sighed, standing.

“Fine, laugh it up. I should have known this was going to happen.”

Al shot him a forgiving smile. “It’s not your fault, really. Maka and I made a bet and she sent me looking for you—”

“You two made a _bet_?!” Shit, had he really been that obvious? There was another sinking feeling in his chest as he fought back a wave of embarrassment-induced nausea. Did the whole damn school know?

“Yeah…and I lost.” Sheepish grin. “I didn’t think you guys would do anything that intimate at school…” His voice trailed off. Edward just gaped at him.

“How did you…h-how—”

Al took one glance at Ed’s pleading, stupefied look and succumbed to a fit of laughter, shaking his head.

“ _Please_ , Al, of all things, don’t make me guess about _that_.”

His brother looked like he was fighting back another round of laughter. The mirth in his eyes…Ed almost didn’t want to know.

“You, uh… _talked_ about him in your sleep. Multiple times.”

Ed rubbed a hand over his face to obscure yet another blush and knew he was doing a piss poor job because Al had started laughing at him again.

“…which was the most obvious sign, among others, but we won’t get into that right now,” he quickly added, seeing Ed’s ever growing astonishment. “How about this? I go to class and cover for your absence, and you can go find Soul and finish what you started.”

Edward simply could not believe that his brother, _his_ brother, was telling him to skip class to make-out with someone. Unbefuckinglievable. He shook his head slowly, not in reply but as a coping mechanism.

“Besides, he’s never in history, anyway, according to Maka…well, you probably already noticed that--”

“ _Go away,_ Alphonse.”

Al waved him off, leaving the bathroom in a trail of chuckles and hiccups. When he was gone, Ed slumped against the wall and ran a hand through his hair. Just what had he gotten himself into?

“Oh, by the way, they sell condoms in the first basement level’s vending machines—”

“ _Al!_ ”

 

 

“Geez, I dunno why I thought taking your advice was a good idea.”

Soul frowned, stuffing his hands in his pockets. The hallways had long since emptied, and for that he was grateful. It certainly hadn’t been the outcome he was expecting, and now he wasn’t certain he wanted to go back and find any real answer in it at all. And oh, he _wanted_ to, all right, but not even the thought of Ed’s moaning could snap him out of his cynicism. What’s to say Ed wouldn’t have shoved him off, anyway, if they _hadn’t_ gotten caught?

Besides, Soul didn’t want to spend much more time thinking about it anymore. He had spent three weeks dancing around Edward and his own, stupid emotions, asking every girl he knew from Maka to Marie (and even Kidd) questions masked in hypothetical situations, feeling ridiculous with every word that left his mouth. And at the time, the advice he’d received hadn’t been very practical, either.

“He should cook her a homemade meal!” said Tsubaki. Except Maka was always complaining about his cooking, and faking it probably wasn’t the best long term plan…

“Tell him to buy her a present that is perfectly symmetrical! And to make sure to align the bow and the paper just right on each side!”

“He absolutely _must_ marry her! As soon as possible!”

“He should probably try to impress her. Whoever it is, Soul, make sure he goes shopping for new clothes. Oh! And he should take _her_ shopping all the time, too!”

“I don’t know…I don’t know how to deal with that. I couldn’t give him advice for something like that!”

“Your friend should confess immediately, take her out on a romantic dinner date, and spend lots of quality time… _alone_ _together_ …”

(That one hadn’t seemed very Maka-like, and if the gentle flutter of her eyes was any indication, she had been pretty… _excited_ at the thought. Soul suspected she knew more than she was letting on (which made him rule out that particular piece of advice), but it had been safer on his mental health to just change the subject.)

“Flirt! Flirt and flirt and flirt, and just when he’s weak, kiss him!!”

Strangely enough, Blair’s voice had sounded like the voice of reason. Practical. Blunt. Instant results.

She’d also been the one to read directly through his cover, and at the threat to reveal his secret to everyone, he really had no choice but to listen to her.

But it had been working, or so Soul thought, doing all the sneaky little things Blair told him to do. Push the limits of physical space. Flash a smile every so often. Bump into him ‘accidentally’, time his leaving the shower _just_ right—yeah, it seemed pretty uncool, and always made Soul feel uncomfortable, but the flush on Edward’s face made him feel like he was getting somewhere. At the very least, Blair seemed more and more like she knew what she was talking about, especially when she suggested Ed might actually _like_ it, and Soul would have been lying if he’d said he wasn’t starting to enjoy messing with him. But really, Blair, of all people.

But what had happened in the bathroom was just…

 _Embarrassing_.

It hadn’t been in the plan to laugh, and hell, he had almost collapsed doing so. How he thought he would be able to keep a straight face with an obvious lie like that Soul didn’t know, but it had just all gone downhill from there. Between Edward being legitimately pissed, and all the barriers of self-restraint Soul had systematically broken down, Soul couldn’t…he just _went_ for it. He must of come off as fucking _insane_ , bitching him out like that one second, in hysterics the next, and toping it all off with shoving his tongue down his throat, only to be caught red-handed…

So uncool. So, so, _so_ uncool.

 _Hot_ , he thought, nibbling at his lower lip at the memory, _but…no_.

And now he was fairly certain Ed only felt the same.

“It’ll work!” Blair declared, bringing him out his reverie. “Trust me!” She walked in circle three times before she curled up on the floor beside him, her tail flicking back and forth.

Soul scowled. _Maybe if his brother hadn’t walked in. Maybe if we weren’t in a bathroom…Maybe if my brain hadn’t spontaneously decided to fuck him senseless—_

“At least,” she purred in a lower voice, closing her eyes, “it always does for me when I catch mice.”

Beat.

“ _What?_ ” Soul exclaimed. “You—you mean all your advice was based on how you catch _mice?!_ ”

“Of course!” said Blair with a happy meow. “You play with them for a bit, give them a little hope for escape, and just when they begin to scurry away again you reign ‘em in and show ‘em who’s boss!” She made a swift clawing motion in the air, as if swiping for said prey, a large grin on her face.

Soul slapped his forehead. He wouldn’t be able to face Ed at this rate. Shit, someone must really hate him, to stick him with this type of luck.

He sighed, shoulders slumping. “Blair--”

“‘Show ‘em who’s boss,’ huh? Sorry, Blair, but I don’t really think Soul qualifies for that position.”

Soul whirled around, seeing Ed leaning on the wall, a few feet away from them at end of the hallway. “Ed…”

His mouth seemed to have lost the ability to form words. All he could do was watch Ed strut towards them, a confident grin gracing his features.

“You really had me going for a while,” the former alchemist continued, kneeling down to scratch Blair behind the ears. “All that manipulation.” Ed shook his head. “And I thought something was wrong with _me_. Never would’ve thought you were just desperate enough to take advice from a talking cat.”

Soul immediately pouted, then frowned about having done so, grateful Ed’s back was towards him.

“In any case,” Ed started again, standing up, “I—”

He had turned to look at Soul then, but the words caught in his throat, and the previously calm and collected Edward was once again flustered and blushing. He looked away, opened his mouth to get it working again, hesitated—

Soul may not have been looking him in the eye, either, but he was grinning madly. “Don’t make this anymore awkward than it has to be.”

“Says the one who’s been pushing the limits of ‘awkward’ for the past few weeks.”

Soul huffed. “You didn’t seem to mind very much.”

The blond pursed his lips, placed his hands on his hips. “Y-Yeah, well…”

A devious thought flashed through Soul’s mind then, only momentarily shot down by his own cynicism. Edward had come to find him, after all, and had overheard everything. Sure, he could’ve only come to say he wasn’t as interested as he originally let on, but…

Well. This was a priceless second chance. And Blair, uncharacteristically quiet through this exchange, sharply swished her tail once in approval, as if she sensed what he was thinking.

“You know,” Soul started, closing the gap between him and the former alchemist. “if you want me to finish what I started, you only have to ask.”

He had Ed backed against the wall again in a matter of seconds, gazing up with an almost primal gleam in his eye as he awaited a response. If Ed had felt embarrassed before, the emotion seemed to have suddenly and quickly taken a backseat. His eyes flickered down both ends of the hall, settling briefly on the cat monster as she ambled away before gracing Soul with something akin to hopeful hesitance.

“…Please?”

Soul grinned again, flashing all his teeth this time, before snatching Edward by the wrist and dragging him down the hallway.

“O-Oi!” Ed exclaimed, nearly stumbling over his own feet. “What are you—”

“Learning from my mistakes,” he said, and soon they halted, just as suddenly, before a door with a rusting, silver-plated sign reading ‘Janitor’s closet’, and that’s when everything clicked.

Soul turned the knob, and Ed allowed himself a vicious smirk.

 _Soul, you_ dog.

_~end_

**Author's Note:**

> Still figuring out how to write these characters. :3 Don’t mind me~  
> Inspired by this piece of fan-art (go look at it! Minor story extension: http://fav.me/d21eete)


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